I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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