i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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