My liver just broke up with me...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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