thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Farmville is her only friend.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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