Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
