grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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