You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
