You work out of a Hotel?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Randomize
