we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
