All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
