We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
