Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Randomize
