So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
