I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
