Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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