How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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