were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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