i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
