Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
