That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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