So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
