You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
