Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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