Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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