I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am available for nakedness
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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