We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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