What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
