Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
