I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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