its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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