I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
