capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
3 2 1 whiskey
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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