She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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