Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
