Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
