actually, I'm a sock model
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
