margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
