He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
