How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
