My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
