Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
