how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
