i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
