did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
