in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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