i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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