I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
this hospital has no fireball
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm like, not good at living.
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