definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
