We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
