i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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