I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
