So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sex in a hospital.. check
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
