It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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