I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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