Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I sprained my soul last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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