Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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