I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
