the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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