I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
