im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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