i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
