the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Two words: nipple clamps
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