I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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