Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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