Capitaan dildo arrescate!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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