he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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