420 ftw
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
