I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
